I've read over 500 Craigslist roommate ads in the last 8 years. Not because I enjoy it — because I've moved 9 times and each time I needed to find a new place or a new roommate. After 500 ads, I've learned to read between the lines. And the lines are terrifying.
Here's a translation guide for Craigslist roommate ads:
**"Chill household"** = No one cleans and the landlord hasn't visited in two years. "Chill" is the roommate equivalent of a restaurant saying "cozy" when they mean "small."
**"We keep to ourselves"** = You will not see your roommates. This sounds good until you need to ask someone about the $400 electricity bill and nobody has been home for four days.
**"420 friendly"** = The apartment smells like a dispensary and there are three bongs in the living room. If you're not 420 friendly, this is not your apartment. If you are, you've found your people.
**"Must be clean"** = The current roommates are not clean and they're hoping you will be their maid. This is the most common red flag. People who say "must be clean" are usually the messiest people in the apartment.
**"No drama"** = There has been significant drama. Someone just moved out in the middle of the night. The remaining roommates are traumatized and using the ad to process their grief.
**"Great location"** = The apartment itself is mediocre but it's near a train station. You're paying for the address, not the apartment.
**"All utilities included"** = The landlord is overcharging for rent and using "utilities included" to justify it. Do the math. Sometimes it's a deal. Sometimes you're paying $200 extra for $80 worth of utilities.
**"Looking for a professional"** = They want someone who works 60 hours a week and is never home. This is code for "we want your money, not your presence."
**"Females preferred"** = This is either a reasonable preference for a female roommate or a creepy situation. You can usually tell by the photos. If the photos show a lot of empty alcohol bottles, it's the second one.
**"Available immediately"** = Someone left suddenly. Ask why. If the ad has been up for three weeks and it's still "available immediately," there's a reason nobody has taken it.
The best ads I've seen are specific and honest. "Three-bedroom, one bath. Rent is $800 plus utilities split three ways. We're two guys in our late 20s who work 9-5 and cook dinner together sometimes. We clean on Sundays. No smoking inside." That's an ad that tells you exactly what you're getting.
The worst ads are vague and defensive. "No drama, must be clean, chill vibes only, no weirdos." That person has had bad roommates and hasn't figured out that they might be the common denominator.
If you're apartment hunting right now, read 20 ads before you contact anyone. You'll start seeing patterns. And you'll start spotting the ads that are trying to hide something. Trust your gut. If an ad feels off, it probably is.